Half Measure

My Netflix watching habits may be a little unusual for a woman who just turned 56 years old. But I don’t want all the swearing and sex and violence. I want quiet movies and series that I can watch while I do other things or have on for background noise while I work or watch before bed without worry that I will be having bad dreams.

So, with that said, I’ve been watching a little series of movies that is called “To All the Boys I’ve Loved.” Teenage angst.

In the end of the second movie the main character Lara Jean talks a bit about what she is learning about love. She says something like,”I don’t want it in half measure. I want it all. And to have it all you have to risk it all.” And as soon as she said that I started to think.

Many people wouldn’t think this about me but I hold back a lot. I have a hard time talking freely about my feelings. I am not the perfect girlfriend, wife, friend or anything because there is always a lot going on in my brain and I rarely talk about it all. Sometimes it’s because I’m afraid of hurting someone’s feelings and sometimes it’s because I’m afraid I’ll sound ridiculous and other times it’s because I’m afraid of rejection.

So what does all of this have to do with that movie quote? Well, I have been praying for some miracles. I know that other people probably wouldn’t think of them as miracles if they happen. Take my word for it the miraculous nature of them though. But I wonder if I have been doing all I can on my side to help those things to happen. My first thought when I heard the quote in the movie was, “Beth, ya gotta open your mouth more.”

I don’t mean that I want to become preachy or anything like that but I do love Jesus and I do love church and I wonder if I am expressing my feelings about those in a way that helps others. I wonder if when my darling asks me what I’m thinking about I can be braver and really tell him. You would think that after 26 years of marriage I’d already be there…

I could be braver. In my mind I am all in but I’m not sure that my actions always show that.

I have a friend named LaTisha. She’s an online friend but I do intend to meet her in person someday. LaTisha doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything. She has a growing fabric and sewing business but she talks about her relationship with Jesus almost every day in her social media stories. She sings hymns and praises and she isn’t shy about it. She’s my role model. She’s in no way preachy. She loves everyone and it is obvious.

I’m just putting this here.

Are you all in? Are you willing to risk it all for what is important to you? Are you really going for it?

I can’t say that I will be changing over night but I do want to work on being braver in sharing my loving feelings about others and my thoughts about where I’m headed and my love of the Gospel with anyone who might be interested or need to hear it. What do you say? Wanna join me in spreading more love and joy to the world?


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