I have been working with a coach over the last 4 weeks. I have 9 weeks to go I believe. I hired this coach because I have felt a little stuck and overwhelmed in my business and in some parts of my life. I expected that he would help me to set up systems and develop habits to become more successful in my business and to become more organized in my life.
Well, it’s not working out that way so far. I do believe that we will get there but so far it’s been almost exclusively about changing my thoughts. Some people refer to it as mindset I think but it really is about thoughts. In case you want to see who my coach is you can see him at Creative Soul Coaching.
The reason I’m saying all of this is because I got an assignment this week that was about journaling. It is actually 4 separate journaling assignments and I almost got out my notebook but then I thought that it might be appropriate to put the journals here because my things I’m trying to work through might be helpful to someone else.
So here are the 4 writing assignments for this week:
What do I believe about God?
What do I believe about myself?
What do I believe about money/my business
Journal about my business and what I want to make of it.
The reason it all came up and I got these assignments is because a few things came out in our coaching session that were a little difficult for me. And I actually didn’t realize them fully until we were talking.
- I was talking to someone about church and I emphaticaly told him how much God loves him no matter what. That God is unconditional love and He sees us in amazing ways and wants everything for us. that the fact that we are literal children of God that comes with a lot of amazing power to become more. Then this morning I was thinking about my business and watching a friend’s Instagram stories and she was talking about hwo God has great things in store for us if we just have fatih in Him and my first thought was how much work I needed to do before I was ready for those blessings.
- I was telling Dan about how everything requires a lot of hard work. He asked about the business I used to own which was making about $250,000 per year by the time I sold it – I bought it with an income of $35,000 per year. He was wondering how that felt for me. I told him that it was always a struggle and I was always worried about paying the bills and that I never ever paid myself.
So after those things he asked me about my family growing up and I told him that the whole family is full of hard workers and that’s how it has always been.
And then he said something in a way that I had never thought before. If I want the good things in life I believe that I need to struggle and work harder or I’m not worthy. If I want love, a thriving business or blessings from God I feel like I need to work super hard or I don’t deserve any of it.
I’m not going to lie. I cried a little. It was painful to hear that but I couldn’t deny it. I have been teaching people for years that God loves them unconditionaly and at the same time I am refusing myself the same grace. Agency/the right to choose is definitely one thing that is super important to God and so He will never force us to do anything. Today I began to wonder about how many blessings I have been denying myself because I am insisting on working everything out for myself, not involving God in many of my decisions and not doing the uncomfortable work of changing for the better. When we spoke I remembered a scripture from Ether 12:6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that afaith is things which are bhoped for and cnot seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no dwitness until after the etrial of yourfaith. Faith and trust that God is here to help needs to be my first step.
So’ I will complete one of the assignments by writing right here what I believe about God.
God loves each of his children individually and unconditionally. He is perfect and so the things that we do as parents when we are raising our children are not the same things that God does because we are all on a path of growth and though we love our children we do it imperfectly.’
God wants great things for each of us and if you/I/we will trust Him and let go just a little things will begin to change for us. Many of us avoid change because it is uncomfortable and scarey and we don’t know what will happen. It is also really hard to change because we have so many habits and ways of doing thigs that are on autopilot. Thoughts and feelings and habits that just happen without our even realizing. But aren’t we given assignments through our lives? Inspiration and things we want to do but we push those thoughts away. Moroni 7:12 tells us all good things come from God. Goals and desires and dreams are inspiration and maybe a glipse of the life that God sees for us.
And then there are the things that we do accomplish. What about those? I wrote 2 books because I had a goal to write. They are selling pretty well and they have good reviews and yet, when someone approaches me about those books I diminish the accomplishment. I say that it was no problem, I tease that I had someone else write them for me and my name is just on the cover, or I never mention them at all. The truth is there were years of work and study that went into becomeing an expert on wool and how to process and spin and use the yarn to get the end product you want. Hours and weeks and years of work. How would I feel if I had a child of mine diminishing themselves and not taking credit for their hard work? I wonder how God would prefer me to react?
Pride is something that is spoken about as a bad thing. I think the hard thing about the English word for pride is that it can have a good meaning and a bad meaning. Being prideful, puffed up, stiffnecked means resistant to change. But feeling proud of your children or accomplishments just means you have confidence and confidence leads to more trying and more growth. So I wonder if another thing that has been holding me back is a way of thinking that requires me to diminish myself to avoid pride. A fear of having others think I am vain or egotistical as opposed to feelings of deep pleasure, joy, satisfaction.
If I diminish my accomplishments does that mean that I am at the same time being ungrateful to God for my talents and gifts?
And so, I will be adding more prayer into my days. More real conversation and questions and heart to heart talks with a Heavenly Father who loves and knows me better than anyone else on this Earth. I will be more aware of the negative thoughts and feelings so I can stop them in their tracks and remind myself that I am worthy of all opportunities and compliments and forward movement. Dan says the first step to change is being aware of what needs to change and I am ready for it. Believe me. I am ready.
Let me know if you want me to post the other three topics here. This was really helpful to me and hopefully to some of you too.